


Lost Chances

by ems_specter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, James Rhodes - Freeform, King T'Challa - Freeform, Laura Barton - Freeform, M/M, Natasha Romanoff - Freeform, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers POV, Vision - Freeform, Wanda Maximoff - Freeform, Winteriron endgame, clint barton - Freeform, one-sided Stony, sam wilson - Freeform, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 09:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ems_specter/pseuds/ems_specter
Summary: Steve had many regrets in life, but lying to himself was probably his biggest one.





	Lost Chances

**Author's Note:**

> I only tagged Steve in the characters section so you wouldn't expect any exposure of the other characters. They were merely mentioned or had a short conversation with Steve in passing. Also, please don't see this as a hate on Steve because it's not. This is basically how I see the characters based on my understanding of them in the movies. There aren't enough character study or character background except for Tony and Steve from their standalone films.
> 
> Also, I don't have a beta and I'm pretty lazy when it comes to editing so I apologize ahead for any mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **  
> PS. If ever there were some who tried to look for this again and couldn't find it, I apologize. It disappeared for a while because it was added to a collection which was then deleted soon after and it remained unrevealed. I contacted AO3 and they helped me with this, so, yeah.  
> 

Steve had many regrets in life—not spending enough time with his mother, not looking for Bucky’s body after he fell, and not visiting Peggy enough, were just some of them.

(On her good days, Peggy always reminded Steve how hearing and listening were two very different things. Perhaps it was her way of saying she thought he has become far too arrogant to be the man she used to know.)

After the dust had settled, Steve had a lot of time to think. Months passed since his fight with Tony but he could not get the betrayal in those usually warm brown eyes out of his head. Then that betrayal turned into resignation and that? _That_ was what hurt the most; as if Tony believed Steve would actually kill him and that he _deserved_ to die.

(Steve thought perhaps Tony was right to tell the new kid he was dangerous. Looking back on his actions, perhaps he would have killed Tony if he wasn’t able to change the direction of the shield in time.)

He couldn’t tell his team after getting them out of the raft. Sam had asked but he just said Tony came as a friend and helped them catch the bad guy. When they inquired about Bucky’s torn arm, he said one of the soldiers did it. He couldn’t condemn Tony even more after what he did.

On the sixth month mark, Natasha came to Wakanda.

Clint was happy to see his friend and he can tell the redhead felt almost the same. When asked why she wasn’t with Tony, she gave a heavy sigh and said he sent her away because Ross was going to be after her.

No one had anything to say about that.

After years of working together, he can tell she would rather be with Tony at this moment.

In their quitter moments, Natasha had sat beside him and said, “Tony asked me to keep Ross off your track, too.”

He didn’t know what he did to deserve a man as amazing as Tony Stark.

 

*

 

On Natasha’s second month in Wakanda, he overheard her and Wanda talking.

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

There was a short pause, then, “Tony or Vision?”

“Both.” Wanda had responded without hesitance. Steve can tell the other woman was thinking of a response, of how to say what she believed was true and how to say it to show the conviction she felt about it.

“I believe they will.” Another pause. “Tony has never been able to keep a genuine grudge. He forgives too easily because he thinks so much worse of himself.” As she continued, Steve can hear the soft smile in her voice, “He always sees the good in everyone. He’s always been blind to people’s faults.”

An answering smile was evident in Wanda’s voice as she said, “He is. It took me a while to see it, but he is.”

“And Vision.” Here, Natasha took a deep breath and let out, “Vision may be hurt, in a way, but he’s always had Tony’s good sides. He sees the good in people, no matter how much they hurt him.”

Steve realized it was impolite to keep on listening to a conversation he wasn’t supposed to be a part of so left quietly, going to visit Bucky even if the other man was still dead to the world.

 

*

 

On their ninth month in Wakanda, the partner of the phone he sent Tony finally rang.

He was in the kitchen with Clint and Sam, reading the news while the two men were making some breakfast. His heartbeat skyrocketed as the phone he always took with him started ringing. He froze for a moment, but when his brain processed the sound, he quickly answered the call. “Tony.” If he sounded breathless, no one but Tony would know.

There was a pause on the other end. Then, “Sorry, Captain. This is Laura. Clint’s wife?” And just like that, his heart felt heavy.

“Oh.” Was the only response from him.

“Tony gave this to me after he and Nat took my family to a safe house. Said you might know where Clint might be hiding.”

“Yeah, he’s uh, he’s with me.” He felt his throat closing for an unknown reason. Both Clint and Sam turned to look at him in confusion. He didn’t know what was in his voice to have gotten them concerned.

“May I speak to him?” Laura prompted when he didn’t say anything else.

“Oh. Yes, of course. Just—sorry. I—” he didn’t know what else to say so he called for Clint, stuttered it was Laura. He didn’t even notice how Clint’s face lit up at the mention of his wife, nor Sam’s concerned glances as he walked out of the room.

He didn’t know why, but felt extremely hollow.

 

*

 

“I think I fucked up, Buck.” Steve croaked a week later, watching his best friend sleep in the cryochamber. He knew the younger man wouldn’t respond, but it was Bucky he always went to when things go to hell.

Since Laura’s call the week before, Steve had been avoiding almost everyone. He overheard here and there of how Wanda had also used the phone once to talk to Vision, to apologize for what she did. Besides that, he was pretty sure the only time the phone was ever used was for Clint to contact his family.

He was envious there was someone out there who loved Clint to reach out to him.

(“I apologized to Tony. We all did.” Clint had said on the rare occasion they crossed paths and he knew what the archer was saying.

 _I know you want to apologize for_ something.

But Steve was a coward, and so he walked on.

Clint never brought it up again.)

“I dragged people into a mess they shouldn’t be in.” Steve roughly ran both his hands down his face, as if doing so would erase the weariness he felt. “Clint would have been with his family, Wanda with Vision, probably training to control her powers.” He sighed and sat on the floor heavily, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands intertwined. “Scott may never see his daughter again, after this, and Sam? He’s probably consumed with guilt after what happened to Rhodey.”

He knew about Riley, about how Sam watched him fall but couldn’t do anything to save him. He knew the other man probably had his wounds reopened after watching Rhodey fall and it was on _him_. Tony may have made wrong choices in this fight, but he knew, deep down, the main catalyst was his bullheadedness.

He stayed for a little while longer, watching his best friend sleep, selfishly wishing Bucky hadn’t decided to be frozen.

(The realization he made a mistake only solidified when he found out on the news how half of America agreed with him but the other half and the rest of the world hated him.

_I'm sorry, Steve, that... that is dangerously arrogant._

Rhodes was right. He was being arrogant.)

 

*

 

It was a year later when King T’Challa told them they could all go home. By then, everyone has spoken to Tony, has slowly started to rebuild the broken relationship they had with the man. Steve, though, he felt he didn’t deserve to have the other man’s friendship. He wanted to grovel, he wanted Tony to never forgive him because the pain was just too much.

( _Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! You were a coward, Rogers—always have been, always will be._ )

He asked about Bucky, of what would happen to his best friend.

“Mr. Stark had him pardoned long before the rest of the Avengers. He also found a way to help him with his triggers.” The king had replied before he fully walked out of the room.

It felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

( _That’s how you’ve really always been, haven’t you? Depending on others to fix your messes, pretending it was your doing. First it was Bucky, then Peggy and now Tony._ )

 

*

 

They’ve been back on American soil for two months and already, he could see Bucky doing better. There wasn’t a lot of a development, but it’s there—miniscule but present. The rest of the Avengers have started to mend their relationship with those they left behind. Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes was still furious with him.

(“You don’t have the right to call me Rhodey. Address me properly, _Captain_ , and that’s Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes.”)

Vision was still wary of Wanda but he was willing to reconnect with her. With the rest of the team, especially with him, Vision was polite but distant. Natasha never truly left Tony’s side and so she was the only one who was treated warmly right from the start.

(“Me and Tony had a fight after I let you go.” Natasha had told him once. “I didn’t realize he was more hurt than he appeared until I was on the plane out of the country.” She had a faraway look on her face as she let him process the information. “I forget sometimes that he’s human, too. That he’s not invincible. That he has feelings and that he has a heart.” She looked at him on the last sentence then left him to his thoughts.

 _It wasn’t just Tony’s heart that broke_. He wanted to say but kept to himself, anyway.)

Tony. Tony didn’t act as if it was water under the bridge; thank god for small mercies. He was wary, rightfully so, but was willing to forgive because he was _that_ kind of person. It hurt, though, to see the other man flinch whenever he raised his voice or whenever he got too near. Tony didn’t have that reaction towards him until their fight.

( _Can you blame him? You were so ready to kill him just to save your precious Bucky._ )

He was simply grateful Tony seemed to finally be taking genuine care of himself.

 

*

 

On their sixth month back, as Bucky progressively got better, as the Avengers started to slowly learn trust again, Steve noticed how Tony would sometimes blush whenever Bucky looked his way. He would stutter everytime Bucky smiled or flirted with him in passing. It never occurred to Steve as odd.

Bucky was hesitant at first, obviously wondering if it was welcome. Every time Tony blushed or tried (and failed) to flirt back, he would grow bolder. Bucky had always been a charmer, a man who knew he was good looking and how to use his pretty face. This Bucky is the Bucky he remembered.

Then the touching started.

They were both hesitant at first, afraid to reach for the other. Sometimes Bucky would let his fingers brush against Tony’s when he handed the older (younger?) man’s coffee to him. Tony would let his hip brush against Bucky’s shoulder whenever he would leave the kitchen. As they grew bolder with the touches, Bucky started to mess with Tony’s hair, twisting the short strands and tugging gently, massaging the scalp. Tony would keep a hand on Bucky’s shoulder when they walk, not letting go until it was necessary. And the thing was, he wasn’t the only one who noticed.

Whenever Bucky flirted with Tony, either Natasha or Wanda would smirk. Every time Tony put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, Vision would get this soft smile on his face. And Rho— _Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes_? He would wear a smug smirk every time Tony and Bucky talked quietly together. Then whenever he saw Steve watching, the smirk would grow, as if he was mocking him.

Steve didn’t know why, but he felt something heavy in his chest whenever he was in the same room as the two men.

 

*

 

It was on the eight month that Steve realized what the heavy feeling in his chest was.

He just finished a workout in the gym, he was supposed to go with Tony and King T’Challa to a meeting with UN representatives, when he turned the corner in the hallway to see Tony trapped to the wall with Bucky pressed against him.

They were kissing. And from the looks of it, they had been doing it before today.

Steve felt that same ache in his chest.

“My offer of sanctuary was only for Sergeant Barnes.” King T’Challa said as he suddenly appeared beside Steve, watching the lovers lost in their own world.

“I’m sorry?”

The king simply glanced at him through his periphery and said, “The only reason you and the rest of your team were given sanctuary in Wakanda is because a friend asked me to keep you safe.”

At first Steve was confused, wondering why the king was telling him this. Then it clicked; it was as if he was being told of the kind of man he lost before he had him.

( _You’ve become transparent, Rogers. Everyone probably knew._

 _Rhodes’ smug smirk made so much sense, now._ )

The information was vague, but the blonde knew what the king was hinting at. Even when they have all betrayed him, even when he had _every_ right to condemn them, Tony still took care of them without being prompted. And Steve? He had been so _blind_ to it all that he lost what could have been his chance at an actual happily ever after.

Looking at Bucky and Tony, at how happy they have become being _together_ , he couldn’t help but feel his heart break at what could’ve been. He knew he was a horrible best friend for having these thoughts, but he couldn’t help wishing he had accepted what he was feeling for Tony for what it was.

_I’m in love with Tony Stark._

Steve had many regrets in life, but lying to himself was probably his biggest one.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me [ here](https://starkbarnes-lovechild.tumblr.com) on Tumblr and ask me random shit.
> 
> PS. As a non-American, I wouldn't want a white American man to come barging into my country, destroying buildings and practically our livelihood, having people as collateral damage and say they were fighting for us. We already have our president for that, thank you very much. Moreover, we may not have been colonized by the Americans for more than three hundred years like the Spaniards did, but two decades of being inferior to them in our own country is more than enough. This is why I said "the rest of the world" hated him in the fic, just to clarify.


End file.
